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Monday - first day of the week; task one; wake up. check.
2. connect with higher source and feel grateful to be alive.
3. turn alarm clock off (that hasn't gone off yet). woke up earlier than I needed to so I could stress a bit about volunteering in the homeless shelter. Lots of things to stress about ..should I be working there? is it too dangerous for me to risk my welfare? am I valued there? is this a lifelong commitment or shall I just drag myself in and see what sort of negative vibes I have got to wade through..
4. put kettle on
5. run bath
6. time spent in bath, washing hair, soaping and drinking tea - 20 minutes.
7. dry long curly, unruly, water logged hair whilst still thinking about the pros and cons of going to the homeless centre
why am I getting ready to go in if I have half decided not to go?
but I have said I am going to go -v- no-one will expect me to be there or not
my word is my bond -v- no-one will be bothered if I go or not
I am committed to having a helping experience -v- the atmosphere is unpleasant
I want to help -v- the kitchen has a condemned cooker
I am using my gifts to be of the best use I can be -v- there are mice in the kitchen
I am going to brighten someones day -v- there is a lot of moisture to breathe in the kitchen
I am going to feel better by helping people -v- there is nowhere to keep my handbag
8. Wake teenage son and run the bath again
9. pile of today's clothes on the ironing board
10. Southend radio - bit of music may sway the balance between the homeless centre or... not
11. that is the kicker; calling in to say I don't want to volunteer anymore; I can't handle the atmospheres, the people arguing, the fighting, the hatred; dealing with homeless people who hate anyone who has, god forbid, a car - just so I can help people who need me;
12. the volunteer manager has pissed off on a tree - planting 'jolly' with 11 helpers in a mini bus; so I can't even speak to my regular boss about the fact that I don't want to go in.
13. dressed; brushed; hair tied back (kitchen rules).
14. teenager armed with lunch money .. check; keys..check; mobile phone..check; rapid signature of a letter home from school; a drive to school. Kick him out at the drop off point; turn the car round; return home.
15. park up; rush back indoors; last minute homeless centre preparations - lose the credit card and cash from my purse; no, ditch the purse and leather bag completely; hare around hunting for old gym bag, to carry phone and keys. that is it, bare minimum.
16. debate over whether to wear woollen coat (looks bad and also WILL pick up the smell from the kitchen);
17. ipod; gym bag; leave home.
To return hours later after a long stressful day in a homeless centre; only to be reminded that my concerns pale into insignificance by comparison with the guy who is sleeping on a concrete step at night; feeding 25 people with hotdogs and soup because the cooker doesn't work; hearing about the 'goings on' and the argy bargy - of which there is quite a lot. I come home, tired, physically drained but actually with a feeling of having spent my day in a worthwhile occupation.
18. Thank God for allowing me to have overcome my lower self and drag my carcuss into a homeless centre where my right speech; right thinking and right actions have made me a better person today.
Lots of love and light to all of you who need it.
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